The evil geniuses at Boston Dynamics have unveiled something new but the Japanese are still at the forefront of getting weird.
Remember the robot dog Spot who the Boston Dynamics guys liked kicking around? Spot has a little brother now, SpotMini, who comes equipped with a long flexible neck which makes him look like a cross between a giraffe, a praying mantis, and a steampunk dinosaur.
Before their inevitable subjugation of humanity, these expensive robots will certainly save us millions of dollars worth of labor and time. For instance, with SpotMini in your home you will be freed from drudgery like moving a glass from the sink to the open dishwasher inches away where you should have put it in the first place. An optional feature allows SpotMini to use a state of the art voice synthesizer to say, “I’m not your f***ing maid,” over and over.
If SpotMini should happen to break your favorite glass or a piece of the good china, his smaller size allows him to scurry under furniture to escape any beatings you try to dole out. This can save you hundreds on repairs and maintenance.
Boston Dynamics has especially broken new ground with SpotMini in the crucial area of pratfalls and sight gags.
There are some drawbacks to the new design though. Apparently SpotMini is a mean drunk and will fight you for your last beer.
When SpotMini finally does snap and murder you, he has the ability to do a pre-programmed sack dance to taunt you while you’re bleeding out. Then he can hump your broken, unrecognizable corpse to signify the machines’ complete dominance over man.
Speaking of speech synthesizers, engineers in Japan have developed a robot that can mimic human speech…and haunt your darkest nightmares.
It looks like a prop from The Brain that Wouldn’t Die—only creepier—but this is no mere electronic sound generator. The robot actually generates the sound using an air compressor, synthetic vocal cords and a synthetic mouth and throat.
The robot supposedly has the ability to learn speech by listening to itself and human beings. Rumor has it that the only actual words it has been able to form consistently are “PLEASE KILL ME.”
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