PHANTOM SWAY

    • The Weekly #Rehash: Vagina Eggs Edition

    #Goops! Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop was ordered to pay $145K in civil penalties for making false claims about the effectiveness of vagina eggs…and hopefully we will never have to read the phrase “vagina eggs” ever again.

    #GirlJustStop Asia Argento changes her story yet again and says the teenage boy she screwed and then paid off actually assaulted her. 

    #GirlJustStopPartTwo New Jersey Senator Cory Booker went full Joan Crawford at the SCOTUS hearing with a dramatic monologue about risking his job to release emails that had already been cleared and didn’t even say anything juicy about Brett “I love basketball” Kavanaugh. Whoever decided to stack the judicial hearing committee with 2020 presidential candidates is a frigging genius because there’s been more drama queening a RuPaul reality show on Logo.

    #GirlJustStopPartThree Some lady got caught at a sports event dipping her chicken fingers in her soda. Someone needs to ask the SCOTUS nominee if he would rule against this in his courtroom and if he says no he gots to go.

    #GirlJustStopPartFour Omarosa is still around and supposedly releasing another White House tape on The View sometime next week.

    #BuildTheWall Justin Bieber is threatening to move back to Canada

    #PartyOfWoke Hollywood continues to reboot the ’90s with a new, woke reboot of Party of Five – this time instead of the parents getting killed off they just get deported back to Mexico.

    #NotEverythingSucks After being unfairly shamed for supporting his family with a job at Trader Joe’s, The Cosby Show actor  Geoffrey Owens gets the last laugh. Tyler Perry has cast him in one of his shows and Nicky Minaj cut the actor a check for $25K just because. Sometimes something shitty turns into something truly amazing and reminds us all that hard work and humility pays off, and not everyone sucks.

    #SexySussex The Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle has been named People Magazine’s Best Dressed Celebrity of 2018.

    #RIPBurtReynolds The king of the mustachioed manhood has passed away at 82.

     

    Kira Allen
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