PHANTOM SWAY

    • The 7 Stages of Getting Drunk

     

    Stage 1: Responsible Planning

    This happens at the very beginning of your night (or day…no judgment) when you lie to yourself and everyone else by saying you’re definitely not planning to get as drunk as that last time.

     

    Stage 2: The celebratory first drink

    Tonight will be a blast and nothing bad is going to happen because we’re going to be responsible adults who drink responsibly!

     

    Stage 3: Shots!

    You just want to accelerate that warm buzz and then you’ll totally stick to your mixed drinks for the rest of the night.

     

    Stage 4: Decision time

    One more shot? Or water? This is the turning point. One more drink and you’re officially in messy drunk territory.

     

    Stage 5:Mood shift

    “Happy Drunk” was 3 shots ago. “Mean Drunk” is still an hour or so away. Now you’re emotional drunk. The mood has shifted and this is about when your friends start pawning you off on each other as they try to escape your tortured, slurred narrative of your most recent break-up. It’s all downhill from here.

     

    Stage 6:Drunk Texting

    Or tweeting or snapping or whatever the kids do these days. It doesn’t matter who it is or what you’re saying, it’ll never be a good idea. Never. But by now alcohol has removed any last vestige of reason. Tomorrow you can text your ex and tell him you got hacked. Tonight he’s getting a picture of your ass and a 600 word analysis of your 4 month relationship.

     

    Stage 7:Hold my beer

    The final stage. You won’t remember anything after this but luckily you live in the digital age, the internet is forever and your friends are recording everything like the assholes they are.

     

    Kira Allen
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