PHANTOM SWAY

    • The Weekly #Rehash: Lindsay Lohan Tried To Steal A Child Edition

    #ParentTrap It seemed like LiLo might be getting her groove back. Leaving the States for Greece was a good move. Greece is a place she could trade on her fading celebrity to make a decent living as a club owner and professional partier. It’s not exactly the bright lights of Hollywood, but there in that small pond she could be a big fish, earn her own money and enjoy the finer things in celebrity life without the American paps on her ass every day.  But like my Aunt Eirtha always says, you can’t run away from yourself. LiLo seems to have doubled down on the crazy. While stumbling around Moscow she ran into a family of homeless refugees on the street and tried to gift them a hotel room for the night. When they refused she tried to kidnap their baby. Yes, you read that right. Lindsay Lohan tried to abduct a child! Refugee mom slapped the hell out of her and took her child back because no responsible parent lets a Lohan anywhere near their child. The whole thing is hysterical and shocking and pathetic and heartbreaking. Someone please help LiLo…inside that intoxicated, weathered, worn body is a beautiful, talented young woman with a big heart who just needs some sincere affection and guidance. Seriously.

    #WeddingBells Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin apparently did get married when they were spotted getting marriage licenses at a NY courthouse. Apparently there was no prenup. All they need is matching tattoos and the celebrity marriage checklist is complete!

    #SaturdayNightMAGA Kanye West filled in for Ariana Grande as the musical guest on the season premier of SNL and ended his final set with a slightly coherent pro-Trump rant while the SNL cast stood behind them silently wishing for the floor to open up and swallow the studio whole.

    #RebootAllTheThings The Netflix Sabrina the Teenage Witch reboot has a trailer and it looks like the show is a cross between Beetlejuice, Hocus Pocus and The Craft…and I approve.

    #FreeFan Chinese actress Fan Bingbing has reportedly been released from house arrest after agreeing to pay the Chinese government $130 million in taxes she avoided by setting up “spilt contracts” with her American productions. She also apologized to her fans and the government for not ” setting a good example for society and the industry.” In China, a “good example for society” is allowing the government that presides over a third world country with a first world economy to steal 75% of your paycheck.

    #GirlBye Bette Midler tweeted out a quote about how women are the new n-word and Twitter was not moved.

    #CharitableChance Chance the Rapper pledged $1 million to help mental health services in Chicago.

    #RebootAllTheThingsPartTwo The Buffy reboot got support from Sarah Michelle Gellar and David Boreanaz after angry reactions from fans.

    #WhitePrivilege Amy Schumer and Emily Rataadjpaejrp got arrested protesting the SCOTUS hearings at the Capitol Building. For white celebrities “arrested” means being politely asked if you’d like to be arrested and then when you respond in the affirmative, being gently guided out of the area.

    #PalinProbs The Palin family continue to be a thing and Sarah Palin’s son Track has been sentenced to a year in custody after his third domestic violence arrest. Besides being an unwilling participant in Keeping Up With the Redneck Kardashians, Track is also a war veteran. How he’ll serve his time will be up to the military justice system.

    #PartingIsSuchSweetSorrow Goodbye to Chris Evans as “Captain America”. Your abs….I mean your TALENT will be missed.

    https://twitter.com/harleivy/status/1048163774048268288

    #MetaReboot Mischa Barton was once on a show about life in posh Orange County, California, which was kind of based on a “reality” show about spoiled kids living off their parent’s dime in posh Orange County, California. Now Mischa Barton will be joining the joining the reboot of the reality show that started it all, The Hills. And that’s 2018 for you.

    #ProudTina A Tina Turner broadway show is in the works.

    Kira Allen
    Latest posts by Kira Allen (see all)