#WeddingBells Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra are about to break the Indian internet when they exchange vows this weekend in Jodhpur. The couple will apparently have two ceremonies – a traditional Christian ceremony and a traditional Indian ceremony. Here in the Land of the Poors we call that a “traditional rich folk ceremony”.
#WeddingBellsPartDeux In a considerably more low-key ceremony Quentin Tarantino married some lady who is not Uma Thurman. Insert “The Bride” joke here.
#TrumpTales The Trump kid who doesn’t work for or live at the White House got herself a new man. Tiffany Trump is reportedly dating Nigerian billionaire kid Michael Boulos. Sources say she had to give him her bank account information and wire $399 to his local Western Union before they could officially meet.
#PartyPoopers Starbucks has announced they will no longer allow people to watch porn in their stores. No longer? How long has this been going on? Who exactly is watching porn in their local Starbucks? This gives a whole new meaning to “extra foam”.
#Clapback Pornhub responded to Starbucks’ new policy with a clever clapback – offering non-porn, random video clips that are “appropriate for consumption in public places”.
#VideoVixen Good news! If you like snobs and gross condescension you can now get your fill from the comfort of your own home. Infamous supermodel and purse-attacker Naomi Campbell is now a vlogger. Also, vlogger is still a word.
#RoyalRow Those pesky “sources” claim that Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton aren’t actually as buddy-buddy as they make it seem in public.
#ProblematicReindeers Because it’s 2018 and nobody will be happy until everybody is miserable a bunch of miserable nobodies have been complaining that the claymation Christmas classic is “problematic” because it supposedly contains themes of “bullying” and “sexism”. The Christmas cranks have thrown some “racism” and “homophobia” in there as well, just for good measure. Merry Christmas, assholes!
#FakeNails Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails says that Senator Ted Cruz demanded to get on a guest list for a show and also drank all the band’s beer backstage. It’s weird to think of Ted Cruz standing alone in a musician’s greenroom in a suit, tie and cowboy boots chugging away at all the beers in the cooler. Cruz clapped back with a tweet denying that he asked for a guest pass and saying he didn’t drink all their beer but he would have if he’d had the chance.
#RichPeopleProbs In news that will shock no one and interest few, Kardashian klone Kylie Jenner says that when she travels she has to book a separate hotel room for her wardrobe.
#BynesIsBack Amanda Bynes joined Paper Magazine to “break the internet” with a comeback interview. The former Nickelodeon star opened up about her issues with substance abuse and wanting Drake to murder her vagina. Welcome back, Amanda! You’ve been missed.
#LiveActionAllTheThings Old Hotness = reboots of your favorite movies/tv shows. New Hottness = live-action reboots of your favorite animated movies/tv shows. Up next – Pinocchio.
#TomHanksAllTheThings Tom Hanks is in talks to continue his reign of terror as America’s Most Likable Movie Star by playing “Geppetto” in the upcoming live-action remake of Pinocchio.
- Minty – Short Film - May 30, 2022
- The Weekly #Rehash: Rudolph The Reindeer Is A Problem Edition - November 30, 2018
- On This Day in Music - October 18, 2017
