#JustifyMyAss Madonna rang in the new year with her 13-year-old son David and a brand new ass. David looks great. The ass looks like she got it in the back room of a Mexican auto mechanic who doubles as a cosmetic surgeon. But don’t worry, even if that Fix-A-Flat ass can’t clap, Madge did some clapping back herself after lots of people commented on how utterly ridiculous she looked.
#Heartfelt Comedian Kathy Griffin tweeted out a heartbreaking and lovely thread about how her mother has been suffering from dementia and how that has affected her as a daughter. Godspeed, Kathy’s mom. You’ve raised a very loyal and loving daughter.
#KeepingUpWithTheKranks Kardashian escapee Scott Dickish Disick got into trouble after posting a cute photo of dinner out with his daughter. Cranky people thought it was racist because she was eating Asian food (I guess because of the chopsticks?). Sane people think that if you look at a picture of a little girl making a face while her dad holds chopsticks and assume she’s making an “Asian” face, maybe you’re the racist.
#UberMad The American Idol guy who is not Ryan Seacrest got outed by TMZ as an *gasp* Uber driver. He and his girlfriend clapped back with some tirades about him supporting his family or whatever, but let’s be honest…this is not a bad thing for his career. He’s getting the Geoffrey Owens treatment. “Former celebrities working a menial labor job” is the new sex tape.
I chose to stop doing standup comedy and started driving an Uber so I could be there for my son as much as he needed after our life as we knew it was destroyed.
Print that.@TMZ @HarveyLevinTMZ— Brian Dunkleman (@briandunkleman) January 4, 2019
#OliviaNewtonNotgone The rumors of Olivia Newton-John’s impending death have been greatly exaggerated.
#ComedyComrades Ellen is catching some heat for defending Kevin Hart and calling the Academy to ask them to reconsider him as host. She’s a real mensch, that dancing lady.
#2019ThyNameIsRandom In news you can’t use and never saw coming, Jeremey Renner might be writing some music with Dave Grohl.
#AsSureAsTheSunRises Another celebrity brat got in trouble and will probably face zero consequences. Cindy Crawford’s 19-year-old son was arrested for a DUI while driving his Tesla.
#Bombtastic Tiffany Haddish bombed her New Year’s Eve show in Miami so badly that half the audience walked out and half the internet has been dragging her nonstop ever since. Haddish says part of the problem was that she’d been partying until 7a.m. the night before. It’s the same excuse I use when I forget to pick up my kids from school.
#YesPlease Idris Elba is going to play a DJ-turned-nanny on a new Netflix show. You had me at Idr…
Just kidding....Kira is a writer, actor and suburban housewife and mother. Her mantra is "If I can't do it from the couch, is it really worth it?"
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