#PantsOnFire Netflix’s eagerly-awaited documentary on the hot, steaming mess that was the Fyre Festival is coming out soon and they released their full-length trailer and IT….LOOKS…BONKERS. I don’t know what I’m more excited to watch – the mechanics of how such a fun idea could go so horrifically wrong or a bunch of rich kids who paid tens of thousands of dollars to attend the “luxury” music festival being forced to eat cheese bread and drag their own mattresses through the mud.
#CheaperToKeepHer Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos is divorcing from his wife of 25 years and there’s over $147 billion on the line. With no pre-nup, MacKenzie Bezos could get half of that, if not more. But obviously what we all want to know is what Donald Trump thinks of it all. Don’t worry…he did not disappoint.
#VanderpumpLite Lindsay Lohan is all growed up now and has opened and exclusive “beach club” in Mykonos. Naturally her new venture is being chronicled in an MTV reality show – Lohan Beach Club – where she mentors and supervises a group of impossibly beautiful fame whores as they pretend to be concerned about bartending and waiting tables. I’ve seen it and it’s not as much of a trainwreck as I hoped thought. It’s hard not to root for Lindsay, despite how erratic she has been in the past. She’s a talented girl who has had to grow up basically by herself.
#Taken Sorry ladies. Tim Tebow is engaged. He will be marrying a slightly obese waitress from the midwest who is getting her associates degree in medical coding online. JUST KIDDING! He’s marrying a former Ms. Universe.
#RingingInTheMemeyear The first official viral meme of 2019 was brought to us courtesy of Fiji Water Girl at the Golden Globes.
#ConsciousUncouplingHoneymoon Gwyneth Paltrow is better than you at everything, even divorce. She took her ex-husband and kids on her honeymoon with new husband Brad Falchuk. Beats keying his car, I guess.
#F***RKelly Lifetime released their Surviving R.Kelly docuseries and everyone is like…WTF? How did this guy get away with this for so long? Of course the answer is, as always $$$$$$. Thanks to those who have spoken out. Hopefully this doesn’t just fade away. This man should never work again.
#FreeBallin The new Bachelor doesn’t wear socks or underwear. In case you were wondering.
#DontYouWish By the time I’m 85 I fully intend to have made the permanent switch to elastic waistbands (I’m about 50% of the way there already) and return to being a full-time smoker and alcoholic. Because why not? I’ll never be as fabulous as Joan Collins is at 85. YAS QUEEN!
#Ugliness A family is suing Lifetime for using their family photo in their movie Christmas Harmony and having one of the characters call them “ugly”. It’s never nice to call someone ugly…but…were they?
#Miracle A 13-year-old Wisconsin girl who went missing 3 months ago after her parents were murdered in their home has been found alive. Jayme Closs escaped the home where she was being held by her 21-year-old captor and flagged down a woman walking her dog. Police have the kidnapper in custody. The neighbors say they recognized Jayme from the news.
Just kidding....Kira is a writer, actor and suburban housewife and mother. Her mantra is "If I can't do it from the couch, is it really worth it?"
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